Cupcake TrafficJam

galangalang

2011-07-21T22:03:00.000-07:00

2011-06-09T13:03:00.001-07:00

2011-06-06T14:13:00.001-07:00

stop it

2011-06-06T14:12:00.001-07:00

do's:

2011-05-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

drink iced coffee it's hot!

go to work, it's your job!

keep the dog alive, even though you hate him!

2011-05-23T13:50:00.000-07:00

2011-05-02T17:07:00.001-07:00

happy may!

2011-05-01T16:16:00.001-07:00

2011-04-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Please enter the amount, if any, paid to purchase aquaculture floats (may not exceed $500).

things i am doing instead of taxes

2011-04-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

1) listen to "dear mama" by deceased rapper tupac s.
2) tease the dog
3) read other people's blogs
4) read this article, sugar is bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5) read up on facenovel
6) watch every episode of wings
7) i would never, already did that in 1992

2011-04-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

hell yes; gravy train

2011-04-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

don draper's dog

2011-04-03T18:52:00.001-07:00

pretty chick

2011-03-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.egglestontrust.com/videos/pretty_chick.mov

2011-03-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

is this a baby dinosaur?

2011-03-15T21:13:00.001-07:00

2011-03-15T21:10:00.001-07:00

style icon

2011-03-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

2011-03-10T17:07:00.001-08:00

2011-03-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

ooops i think i found morton's mom

2011-03-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

what a grizzly bear. here is some evidence: she is from the same shelter in NC. she looks just like morton. she smiles like a secret shithead. MOM!

want to

2011-03-08T13:17:00.000-08:00

adopt u

2011-03-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

2011-03-06T20:45:00.002-08:00

2011-03-06T20:45:00.001-08:00

2011-03-04T11:07:00.001-08:00

2011-02-21T15:51:00.001-08:00

47th samurai

2011-02-21T15:41:00.000-08:00

2011-02-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

2011-02-18T20:07:00.000-08:00

salt

2011-02-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

2011-02-18T16:13:00.001-08:00

just read about this magical playland

2011-02-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

watts towers! in la? go go go and afterwards eat tacos

2011-02-04T18:53:00.000-08:00

2011-02-04T18:35:00.001-08:00

how we do

2010-12-22T13:52:00.000-08:00

sarah palin's dad

2010-12-06T12:39:00.000-08:00

calls her "sarah palin".
as though she is not his daughter but a television product.
as though he is not her real dad but a real backwoods hokie payed to represent wilderness alaska for her TLC series.

if you have the means, i highly recommend watching for 10 full minutes. this is america.

?

i don't even know.

coy baby boy

2010-12-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

sick

2010-11-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

been feeling nauseous all day, the kind of tummyache that ultimately wants one thing - fountain mr. pibb.

for real it makes me feel better, but i got to wondering about it's medicinal properties. how does your garden grow, mr. pibb?

here is what i learned:

citric acid is used in food products to produce tangy or sour tastes. "citric acid" seems like it would be a derivative of lemons and limes and other citrus fruits, but it is cheaper and easier to mass produce this same taste from fermented "aspergillus niger" or the black mold that comes from fermented molasses and phosphoric acid.

this mold is common to onion fields, appeared within the jewled walls of ancient egytpian tombs, and found within humans as "otomycosis" - aka fungal ear infections.

here it is being cultured for industrial use:

whoa we are filthy creatures.

fuck it

2010-11-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

little manatee claws.

worlds longest tunnel

2010-11-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

2010-11-01T21:29:00.000-07:00

2010-11-01T19:44:00.001-07:00

yall

stop

playin

um i came in from a chilly dog walk to the giants/rangers game.
turns out the giants is some cuties. please enjoy these boys. also
above that's linceum the pitcher he's 14 years old <3.

holymoly

2010-11-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

look how much fun these parents are having

this little guy

2010-10-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

when morton is clean
we're all a bit cleaner

do u know about nicki?

2010-10-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

she's killin it for young money. but this is what's important

there's this kanye track that was released in august - "monster"
it features nicki and jay-z. please have a listen

you gotta troop thru cause truly kanye's and jay-z's verses are silly. they rap about regret and address various mistakes that people hate on them for. business as usual.

and then nicki minaj, at 25 and still without an official album release, steps in and mashes out these high-grossing pussies. i wouldn't even call them "pussies" in earnest except on this track they get sent to bed early no desert, double spank.

i've been listening to a lot of FM hip-hop lately, pretty rhymes steeped in hairy balls. not to start another conversation about masculine undercurrents or debilitating sexism in modern hip-hop, because these are issues without end and with or without shitty lyrics there are plenty of songs that are genuinely fucking great. it does inevitably wear on the brain though, verses espousing mental and physical domination over women. which is why when nicki cuts in on these fools i no joke get chills

"YOU CAN BE THE KING BUT WATCH THE QUEEN CONQUER"

sexual politics, third wave, blah blah much debate but what we are left with : nicki eats your.dick. for dinner

insincere golfers need not apply

2010-10-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

can't wait

2010-10-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

for more docile, kissing robot technology.
or any kind of cross-species romance really

get at slava

2010-10-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

so good

for morton

2010-09-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

you are my favorite
but i never knew
about someone's bowels
like i know about yours
babydoggy

i just broke netflix

2010-09-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

cause of death: ordered Martin, season 1

funployed!

2010-09-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

found: one job.

it has to do with fish and dogs and calendars and clients and the internet.

perfect. in other news, i found these recipes and they are so fucking good. one is for chana masala, i made it today and was super easy as long as you let it simmer for almost 2 hours so everything gets broken and flavorful. this dish is super forgiving for instance in lieu of tomato paste i used ketchup and it was totally fine. we put it on cous cous and now are full of protein.
recipe 2: curtido, the amazing coleslaw used for pupusas. i used purple cabbage and the leftover boil water was so fucking beautiful. now i have a ton of purple curtido leftover for veggie tacos with bean dip and yogurt. get that.

thursday

2010-09-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

spent all day landscaping the front yard forest, increased muscles 46%, made 1 smoothie, coffee, 3 episodes simpsons, laundry, job applications. later there will be iced tea and outdoor dining. Do you understand?

In 2010 I am a mother-fucking WOMAN

and dirt don't hurt

2010-09-08T19:25:00.001-07:00

"The anthropologist Mary Douglas is famous for writing about dirt as a shifting category for everything that is out of place: shoes on the floor aren't dirty, but shoes on the dinner table are; it isn't dirty to have cooking utensils in the kitchen, but it is to have them in your bedsheets. She sees what counts as dirt as a gateway to the bigger systems that judgments like this are caught up in, and a way to figure out how commonsense judgments become that way."

- the believer / mary douglas

similarly, it's interesting to google image "dirty" and come up with a wealth of imagery that is not explicitly dirty but rather culturally constructed taboos, in particular images of womens clothed crotches... and this, legitimately dirty specimen:

which happens to be tween movie star zac efron's waxy ears, which is amazing. thank you the internet and mary douglas.

2010-09-07T14:00:00.001-07:00

i get a strange magic

2010-09-07T13:40:00.000-07:00

hard yell/choral wail gets me every time

props

2010-09-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

proposition 8

proposition 19

hope y'all are voting. also, why are burt and ernie available to illustrate all modern political debate

sum smelly nip

2010-09-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

divorce daughter

2010-09-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

Parents of three girls, for instance, are 10 percent more likely to split than are parents of three boys.

especially intrigued by the comments section declaring daughters harder to raise - are we "harder" to raise, require or inspire greater emotional investment, full of greater expectations, what is this china, i don't even know anymore

just another river rat

2010-09-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

found: kickin it in the potomac

washington post

2010-09-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

im trying but your website is the worst

how do i get nineteen-80's butt?

2010-09-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

stairmaster? im trying ok

rampage

2010-09-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

2010-08-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

want 2 barf?

2010-08-14T13:57:00.001-07:00

it's ok, barf. we cute as hell.

tunnel vision

2010-08-13T17:05:00.001-07:00

atlantic ave

tidal power

2010-08-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

two sisters beat up male friend

2010-08-13T11:15:00.001-07:00

by tuesday it should look like this

2010-08-13T10:49:00.001-07:00

cleanliness over sentiment in 2010

FLA

2010-08-13T10:46:00.001-07:00

hey gramma

future bangs

2010-08-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

gonzalo lives

2010-08-13T10:41:00.001-07:00

old forge

2010-08-13T09:22:00.001-07:00

netflix knows

2010-08-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

duh everyone wants to be a pop star

2010-08-11T11:21:00.001-07:00

stanley come over

2010-08-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

2010-08-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

2010-08-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

to all you young, bloodthirsty bee-boopers

2010-08-06T12:16:00.000-07:00

im moving really soon - what's the cheapest way to drive outta this joint?
looking online has yielded results in the 300ish to 700ish fields - can this be the way?

please share your transportation thoughts.

also, if you or a loved one has a minivan they want to donate to the cause, i will honor them with dinner, movies, and even a quilt.

thanks, see you in maryland!

2010-07-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

today in the subway i saw a little brother with an enormous backpack being led by an enormous older brother. the older brother was carrying the little brother's italian ice somewhat precariously in his other hand, and i started paying closer attention when the water ice dropped and the older brother stooped to clean up the mess / kick at it apologetically; the little brother began walking impossibly fast, and at first i thought he was reacting really well to his ice getting spilled on the subway floor.

but occasionally he would turn around, glance at the older brother, and speed up his pace. he sped-walked to his small round mother and began to frantically point at his enormous brother, his voice kind of reaching a desperate anxiety that he had done well to disguise after the initial ice-drop.

the little mother was hanging with some friends and in any case, was obviously unimpressed with little brother's whines and the defensive pleas of older brother.

it made me wonder how often we approach impervious third parties to deliver punishment or at least rulings when in fact greater clarity would involve looking said culprit in the face and getting so real - "you were careless. im sad"

but also i mean, what a bummer about your water-ice kiddo

sunday, lucky

2010-07-12T12:10:00.001-07:00

here are some things that happened on sunday:

saw magical women
saw magical wallaces
ate really good peaches
got pulled over by the police
chewed a "double bubble"
did not get arrested by the police
neither did amanda
found 20 dollars
split it with a 17 year old
found mr wilson
ate more double bubble
danced with my baby
on top of a roof
forgot that berger cookies were in the freezer, but then remembered

pickpocket DC

2010-06-29T13:39:00.001-07:00

sunday night i had the opportunity to join a cluster fuck in DC - a mob of people insistent on leaving H and 4th via the Chinatown bus, which they had bought tickets for, only New Century is run by a throng of clowns in designer jeans, and attempts to get on the bus were by and large fruitless.

at some point within the cluster i got repeatedly jostled by a mysteriously dopey man, who in hindsight was point man 1, pushing me into man 2 - an old grizzly bear in track pants and an "I heart DC" t-shirt. man 2 or "thief" was in a bad spot - hungry or super drugged i know not which, sometimes these conditions look really similar. anyway something felt wrong and i kind of turned around and saw this dude with his hand rummaging through my bag. we both kind of froze and i gave him my best animal-inspired "what the fuck" face and then pivoted around to grip both bags and grab my phone. man 2 scampered away, probably nervous that i was going to call the police, except that i know better to call the DC police because last time i did that they asked me for my social security number, and when i wouldn't give it to them things got awkward and then they hung up.

its a doggy heat, doggy beat tustle of a fucking world out there, i cannot hate on a man for spotting an opportunity to grab some shit. little did he know that inside of my wallet was 80 cents and a member card to the Y. in any case i wish him well. also im thankful to still have my wallet.

2010-06-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

you ate the summer cannibals

2010-06-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

eateateat

about job searching in summer of 2010

2010-06-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

"I wanted to let you know that we have filled the position with someone whose experience and education more closely match our requirements for the position."

2010-06-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

2 years ago, drunk

2010-06-02T20:36:00.001-07:00

onetime cereal came to new york a lot, and it was super fun. i do not regret that she is no longer with a new york boyfriend, i simply miss her presence in this fair city. also when jessie was around things got to no limits party-time and this picture is from one of those nights. this is after tequila and sangria and a j and a jessie. this picture also reminds me of a magical fact from this evening, and that is that in the middle of our celebratory splendor, after having hazily wandered into a random corner of the LES, i got a call from andrew who was inexplicably also in LES. and from what i recall i was like, im super drunk, im in a bar, there were bushes out front, there are lights in the bar, find me. and then my phone died or his phone died, it was all very confusing.

amanda was sleeping at the table.

but then like 20 minutes later andrew walks in, and i always forget to ask but seriously i have no idea how that wizard found us. magicman.

little boobs

2010-06-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

it's summer duh even though its not whatever the fuck june 21? first official? i care not - it's sweaty ball season and you can wear sandals and dresses so it's summer. i got burned eating breakfast on my roof so it's summer.

usually summertime marks the beginning of no drawers lyfe - i freeball, you know this. but lately there's been something new in my underwear routine that i wanted to talk about live on the internet. and that is no bra, or rather, abbreviated versions of the bra. listen, i have the littlest boobs that ever were. they are often rivaled by fifth graders, not that i am looking but just i mean, it's hearsay. when i was younger this was a source of severe booby consternation, and i hated my body and i wished my hair was blue and my name was tammy. but i grew out of wanting to be named "tammy" and i have grown out of wanting bigger boobs, which is why i stick to a new regime - no bra or sports bra.

the easy life.

and i have to be honest about something. i fucking love the way my little tiniest boobs ever look with minimal bra interference - i think they are special this way. i feel lustier this way, and summertime is all for lust and sun and iced tea and biting your boyfriend on the beard. or whatever you want to do, it's your summer.

2.5 years ago cannibal

2010-06-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

2010-06-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

i will not mince words - the job search is fucking rough. please see below for an example of an entry level position in DC:

Salary will be commensurate with the amount of an applicant's relevant experience. For example, an individual with five years of relevant experience, including a 2-year master’s program in a relevant topic, would earn $30,000 to $35,000

for starters motherfuckers, folks with 5+ years of experience plus their masters in a relevant topic most likely have accrued more than $35,000 dollars worth of debt, and need a lil more than 35 large to cover rent, food, transportation, and student loans. not to mention that for entry level, you in theory need to have 5 years of experience plus relevant master's. not to mention, i don't even want this job. sike i do sort of but really honestly i just want to operate a food service truck.

i mean you no disrespect, but eat shit

history of subway maps

2010-05-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

new ones on the way!

definitely the 70's were the most aesthetically pleasing

carrots

2010-05-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

carrots are magical oblong gifts from heaven. just had the opportunity to place them in pasta curry! i'd love to.

deep in the creep

2010-05-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

can we try hugging without shirts for a second?

2010-05-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

"it's almost like we saw each other swimming in the pool and hadn't seen each other for awhile. these could be swimsuits."

humpday: a meditation on anxiety and friendship. so genuinely anxious and good.

small girl seeking sloppy dog

2010-05-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

must love everything

bbs

2010-05-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

every time i see the "babies" trailer, i get a little more pregnant

dear curry ann

2010-05-05T10:13:00.001-07:00

yeah, young harrison ford, i get it

a movie review

2010-05-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

recently in maryland i saw 2 films: the girl with the dragon tattoo and it's complicated. it's weird to see them back to back because both of these films are revenge fantasies - but one is swedish with a lot of chain smoking and one is californian bourgeois-cafeteria, and in place of cigarettes there are chocolate croissants. dragon tattoo had a lot of rape, like multiple rape(s), nazi rapes, mouth rape, etc. it made me come to terms with the fact that i can't hang with suspense in movies for too long because it will inevitably lead to peed pants. no joke suspense is really hard. also more than 1 rape per movie is too much ok? im sensitive.

it's complicated was a revenge fantasy by a middle-aged woman, i mean the backbone of the story is how it's hard to be a middle aged woman because you are always so lonely. fuck. but then her ex-husband and children gather around her and just need her and her food.

it's weird to be in a place where i am getting stoked to pro-create and start my own little american family, but culture keeps trying to do me like all this will lead to is, at best, this meryl streep movie where my kids expect credit cards and shit, and that being in your 40's is starkly solo. do you guys feel me? what could be the secret then? is it rooftops and dogs and sunshine? because so far in life those things seem unbearably good.

pineapple quesadillas

2010-04-21T16:11:00.000-07:00

i just made these and accidentally it was the best.

in a blender: pineapple, onions, orange and yellow peppers. blend that.

add it to the inside of a quesadilla. put hot black beans and onions and garlic in that. enjoy! top with hot sauce or plain yogurt or whatever it is that lights you up!!*

*i am currently lit up but in the bad way. my mom just told me to get health insurance esp. for "the baby" for in case i get pregnant. do you ever get told things by your parents that you feel like they are willing you to do? to ask it another way, is my mom trying to get me impregnated? the baby quilts indicate that this might be a possibility.

hey taxes, what are you?

2010-04-19T11:11:00.000-07:00