i just called serbia

they hung up on me

1934

eight and a half hours in maryland

yearly drive, through the muck, with cereal



i only took 2 pictures this weekend.



this one is of jessie eating potato salad and a cream cheese bagel bite on 95 south.

what's better than a sunday.




Jessie: at one point in response to someone's question about how my weekend was

Jessie: i said look at my face

think about it

celebration day

the woman that lives underneath me is having a next level argument with her kid - i can't tell if its a boy or a girl, just high pitched and prone to draw out syllables like "maaaaaaham!"

just another reminder that being in your 20's is without parallel, hands-down so fucking good. when i was little my mom and i fought a ton, in retrospect it had everything to do with her making me an equal way early, and me freaking out whenever i got treated like a kid again.

right now im wrapping up presents to see a handful of my closest friends in the world. in the meantime i might get coffee or smoke a bowl or eat one of the brownies that are cooling on top of my oven. i can't think of anything nicer than being 25.

within this space are elephants and rocking chairs

paralysis as a result of awkward encounters, and the fetishizing of said encounters, is dumb

that being said, the sting of something awkward can be revisited to maximum physical effect for so long after said event

that being said, there is awkward shit all around and defeating the tendency towards it is liberating and essential to becoming a fully formed person

that being said, i cannot wait to find a space that is truly my own

muhtouring hormones

"no matter how you feel, you have to live with people"

it would be a lie to say i'm not learning

dansecubicle friday

you're the book that i have opened




i first encountered this song on the sliver soundtrack. sliver, i suspect, is one of those movies that was super sexy at age 7 but is still sexy by twenty-ten standards as it starred sharon stone and a baldwin brother, which one i cannot recollect.

this song has, among other things, been identified by wikipedia as one of the greatest ever. case closed.

i've had this one mingling with massive attack for the past 2 days, for obvious reasons



i dare you not to get twirly over the opening bass line. i wish that i could turn on mtv and see this video with all these filthy british kids kickin it against wild CGs.

also, this is the product of Staton's collaboration with Will Oldham. gadzooks. seriously try it out.

jesse!

i've been trying for years to remember the name of the sega game that my brother and i used to waste hours on in my dad's basement. one level is underground, and if you kill the right dude you turn into a fuzzy blue bear. MAGICAL!

it literally just occurred to me to ask my brother. within 2 texts he was like, fuck yes, altered beast. ALTERED BEAST. just like my brother. amazing.

jon moses

within this heaping moss bowl
i battle on



dreaming of you
and this giant electric heart






are we not warriors?

so

rumor has it that new years in san fransisco is so great that it makes you shit your face off. seriously that's what i heard.

what the what

why do we treat criminals that are rich like small children? let's acknowledge some elephants. you are some criminals. pay that shit back. you had to anyway you jackals. the middle class is over. i have $100 in the bank. enough.

wednesday

red red panda

come to me

some news

examination of fossilized dung fungus has caused scientists to reconsider extinction theories - dung don't lie!



young hemingway. nice.

he participated as an ambulance driver / journalist in 4 different wars. he lived through the shit. then he grew a beard and shot himself. what a world.




once there was such a thing as bone crushing wolves with broad skulls that accommodated enormous, jagged, bone-crushing fangs. they could take down mammoths.



female common side-blotched lizards can vary the levels of the hormone estradiol they give their eggs to affect their offspring's back pattern. they choose their babies colors!

never been kissed

fennec fox on the prowl

resolved

the pixies, live in technicolor

DAR Constitution Hall has seats the color of presidential navy, spangled with aging stars in a kind of yellow. I watched my brother graduate from high school there, and in fact this is the reference point that most burb residents gave when i said i would be seeing the pixies there monday night. waiting impatiently for the "m's" to be called on a sweltering dc summer afternoon in 1999 is a little different than waiting for jay reatard to get off stage - for one thing, i spent this musical evening being expressively drunk, drunk enough so that this morning in the mirror i caught a large and unsightly ketchup stain down the front of my sweatshirt, and cannot recall why exactly there might be a ketchup stain but i am hoping that tater tots were involved.

the pixies take the stage to great applause, they, like the crowd, are a little on the sweaty, fuller-faced side of cool - frank black looks like an out and out troll doll that your little sister shaved while you were away at college. his pot-belly and turned out hips-waddle give a fester adams kind of vibe, until he opens his mouth, and then it's just vibe.
"we're playing b-sides first" kim deal explains, after chanting "weird at my school" with the rest of the band.

nostalgia was in fact the order of the evening as the band played the entirety of "doolittle" - their first international release from 1989. back when rolling stone magazine was physically (culturally?) bigger and had the perplexing smell of perfumed mold i read an interview with kurt cobain citing the pixies as a huge influence, and i promptly joined one of those pyramid scam music clearing houses and ordered this album and like Violater. sorry, dad.

the cd sat in a pile of jewel cases until i was 14. the first time i heard the opening bass line to "debaser" i was lying on the floor in a pile of dirty clothes, probably thinking about kissing boys or something. it blew my face off, and then frank black starts scream-talking about slicing up eyeballs, which i used to think was "bibles" and in any case, both are blasphemous and a little sticky.

to see this live electrified my 14-year old self, and generally everyone at DAR, though the married couple in the row directly in front spent the evening huddled together with their pinky fingers in thoughtful repose. the gurgled screams of "tame" and the bass heavy boy talk / girl coo of "i bleed" felt like being new to high school - small and angsty and sweaty and angry at most but not all and loving everything until your heart gets sore. which is why it momentarily blew my mind when my dude andrew recently commented on the pixies vibe being dirty/pretty. i associate them with being punky and innocent and violent all at once but kind of in these separate bubbles, but thinking of them as dirty/pretty together like the breeders or like, david bowie feels sort of new. it's like a lot of people describe them as "surreal" or whatever but to me the pixies feel like trying to get your dick in the right place or really liking grosse point blank ... awkward and throbby and comedic and super fun. and i guess that's all of it dirty/pretty.

there was a ton of buzz on the nerd about how frank black and kim deal stand on opposite ends of the stage and hate on one another, but amid deal's cheery crowd-love, her and black make expressive faces and hip shakes at one another - consummate punk professionals. and here's the thing about seeing old(er) people play punk music 20 years after releasing it, best summed up for the duration of "gouge away" - the sick conclusion to doolittle. the violence of asking "sacred questions" in your youth most likely (?) fades with age ... just like the "3 day parties" and the urge to "break the walls / kill us all" that black shrieks about. it's so wild to see these 30 something punks, people that wore their teeth and claws down on the gouge, but who are inevitably now contributing to the smooth resurfacing of these marks, in one way or another. you know, myself included. i'm definitely done gouging for a bit, my most forceful scooping is all about the scooped like pick-up from the metro. i recently saw the dirty projectors and for all their dirty/pretty eye-jaded hyped dramatic tension, they are definitely putting on the gouge. the pixies are riding the wave, which is why, although it was SUPERfun to see them, it all felt kind of masturbatory. but, you know, that's what being 14 is all about.

i'd like to thank the WPA

last night i went to bed drunk in silver spring.
this morning i woke up to coffee and almonds in new york city.

jessie, for instance

here are some inexplicable costumes




my favorite it dressing up like a bee and then standing really close to your horse, whom, while also dressed in black and yellow stripes, doesn't really have anything to do with a bee, and never will, and so you're just dressed as a bumble bee, killin it.

before shooting their first make-out scene, he proposed that they dance in his trailer so they could become better acquainted.


james spader, god bless

cavedwellers

once in philadelphia sara took me to a cave made entirely of felt and soft. there are lights and beds inside the cave where you can curl up and tell stories. this is one of the greatest spaces i've ever had the pleasure of napping in.

hey now

pamplona

i just went to the button store

inside i found gladys.

gladys likes brown buttons they remind her of chocolate.
this morning she had a vision and i was in it and then i came to her store!
she calls her children her diamonds and her grandchildren her baby diamonds.
she says a woman is a princess and when she marries she is a queen and her home is her castle to make.
she doesn't like credit cards or cigarettes.
she says to choose a clean man because when they look dirty you will have to break bad habits.
she thinks michael and i should get back together.
in 1962 she and her husband were always working but on sundays they would walk through central park and look at the leaves and then go eat a steak for one dollar and 19 cents.


she said if she had a piece of steak she would cut it into 5 pieces to feed herself, her husband and her three children.

thank you gladys, im so glad we met!

riderideride

i don't have money for coffee this morning.
instead it will have to be the river euphrates.

vampire star

i was just listening to a ted talk and came upon gymnosophists - you know, naked philosophers. then everything became so clear - in the winter time it's hard to have quality naked time, because you spend so much of your day trying to keep warm; this means extra socks and hoodies to bed, this means hot showers and quick steps from towel to fuzzy sweaters. gone are the carefree summer days of nipples out.

i want to challenge you, fellow wintry-dweller, to spend this weekend as i intend to, practicing carefree naked time. quality, beautiful, skin and bones, self loving naked time. it'll be so good!

cabbages and kings

guys, king of carrot flowers part one is one of the most beautiful narrative stories i have ever heard. if this song was a book i would read it.

this time next year!

i call blue

i see your turkish otter

and raise you this pile of newborn otter cubs on a fuzzy blanket

john irving

"Bears, wrestling, New England boarding schools, violent accidents—these are the mere landscape details in much of my fiction."

annnd that's what it's like to feed a goat a marshmallow

it always seem to go

i want to thank everyone for hanging in these past few weeks.

i have purchased Q Tips.

sometimes, with bears

periodically i'll experience something really amazing and then get sort of hermity. this friday i saw an unbelievable soul show that melted my face into a puddle of saltwater and frolicking sardines.

seriously, i cried twice.




have you ever heard 15 people singing "you can't always get what you want" with all kinds of brass? it's magical. i just tried to find it on youtube and instead found this video called MAN CAN FLY! and i think that sort of gets at the experience of everyone in a room together, beating on the walls and floors and singing along with these beautiful old man soul relics.





the next night i found myself in a biergarten, swigging from cups that were genuinely the same size as my torso and talking with a delightful interior designer. interior designers are great - they know how to clean you up.
i kept asking this woman all these questions, i think i was waving the anxiety freak flag at full-mast, and she was like, girl, you don't need to ask all these questions. you just got to know what you are doing and why. and then do it. and then later you'll do something else. fuuck, i love reasonable people. they are so refreshing.



anyway there are some bands i feel like eh about seeing in town, and i'm being grump about it, like "nothing can compare, my cup she is full" etc but i just had this realization that i'll really be full when i'm dead. and then when im dead i won't be able to hear because my ears are getting donated to science, and the remains are being fed to alaskan bears, and then i will be full and dead.

in the meantime, you can't always get what you want is a really fucking good song, and numero group is putting out a ton of great songs. and, above all, when things get grumped, it's important to remember what those future time's boys say: heal yourself and move.


get ye to the dancefloor, fussybritches.

Chihuahua, Pit Bull Terrier Mix!?!!

rubia!

i googled "warriors for love"

they certainly are.