exiting the F train at 23rd street
mom type to little person: well how do you get around this big city on those little little legs?
little person: (scampered away)
7.31.2009
7.30.2009
hippty dippty
signed up for a fiction writing class at NYU - hippty dippty
giulia gave me lime lentil soup and clementine cake - hippty dippty
ate one half of a bounty bar -hippty dippty
trying to buy this cute dish towel
orange-town.
showing the apartment tonight so i don't get evicted in september - hapty dapty
petfinder adoption site is like animal porn, i am fixated. also this is milo:
uh oh milo.
giulia gave me lime lentil soup and clementine cake - hippty dippty
ate one half of a bounty bar -hippty dippty
trying to buy this cute dish towel
orange-town.showing the apartment tonight so i don't get evicted in september - hapty dapty
petfinder adoption site is like animal porn, i am fixated. also this is milo:
uh oh milo.
7.29.2009
watermelon salad
is so tasty and pretty much the best summer dinner to eat on your roof top. this plate used to sell at the bourgie dc restaurant i hostessed at for like 20 bucks, you can make it yourself for far less.
get a watermelon
cut off chunks
eat some, but put some in a bowl
add a bunch of kalamata olives
then some feta cheese crumbles
yum
red onion and arugula are optional
soak in balsamic vinegar and a touch of olive oil
get at that
* you should probably make sure to drink what's left in the end - tangy watermelon juice. YES!
namings
most popular names for babies in 2008:
most popular names for babies in 1888:
i hope minnie makes a comeback.
or at least, fuck madison, right?
also, this is alyssum:
whenever anyone asks where my names comes from, i answer as honestly as the information that my mother has provided me - the television, little house on the prairie, to be exact. turns out it's really from this purple flower. when i looked up michael's name, the website asked me -
"who is like God?"
apparently "michael" is the leader of heaven's armies and thusly considered the patron saint of soldiers.
mmhmm, just as as i suspected - an angel
most popular names for babies in 1888:
i hope minnie makes a comeback.
or at least, fuck madison, right?
also, this is alyssum:
whenever anyone asks where my names comes from, i answer as honestly as the information that my mother has provided me - the television, little house on the prairie, to be exact. turns out it's really from this purple flower. when i looked up michael's name, the website asked me -
"who is like God?"
apparently "michael" is the leader of heaven's armies and thusly considered the patron saint of soldiers.
mmhmm, just as as i suspected - an angel
i'm so mad
about having to use my fuck-off money on the fucking dentist. what is the dentist anyway? i don't know if i am an advocate of regular preventative check-ups or if this is reason to never ever go - they will gouge you as though you were a fertile south american country.
also, get in this toothbrush bed.
also, get in this toothbrush bed.
7.28.2009
7.27.2009
monday morning, all is well
this last week was pretty spectac.
on tuesday we went to a yankees / orioles game and every third person was wearing ck1. it was awesome even though johnny damon throws like a little princess lady and the orioles lost because they are all 12 year olds.
fortunately this man has quintuplets!
on friday it was cousin nancy's birthday and i played the piano
this weekend i made egg sandwiches and had a sleepover with 3 redheads. we talked about:
speaking of quintuplets, one time the king stole canadian quintuplet sisters from their family to market them as a tourist attraction. it's true.
on tuesday we went to a yankees / orioles game and every third person was wearing ck1. it was awesome even though johnny damon throws like a little princess lady and the orioles lost because they are all 12 year olds.
fortunately this man has quintuplets!
on friday it was cousin nancy's birthday and i played the piano
this weekend i made egg sandwiches and had a sleepover with 3 redheads. we talked about:
- if the healthcare system in massachusetts is failing, then what viable options are we left with for universally affordable health care?
- breasts
- and brian mattwon. is it an asshole who links back to their previous posts? guilty.
speaking of quintuplets, one time the king stole canadian quintuplet sisters from their family to market them as a tourist attraction. it's true.
7.23.2009
good morning
this morning i saw the most adorable, fuzzy yellow caterpillar crawling its way up my porch steps. hello, sweet caterpillar, i greeted this caterpillar, and made sure to not squish the friendly fuzzer with my sandal. crossing the street i remembered that sometimes caterpillars become butterflies, but sometimes they grow up to be assholes like moths and monsters; well lo and behold, google says what i actually took troubles to care for this morning was the American Dagger Moth
an asshole if i ever saw one
7.22.2009
can't tell
is almost anything sweeter when you play ice cube underneath it? well, i mean, maybe just this particular song
or ice cube over it? maybe starring opposite j lo and eric stoltz and angelina jolie's dad in anaconda
or ice cube over it? maybe starring opposite j lo and eric stoltz and angelina jolie's dad in anaconda
7.21.2009
a masterpiece, chipotle
when william faulkner completed the final sentence of his 1929 masterpiece, the sound and the fury he is reported to have exhaled, placed his feet upon the desk, and simply stated "there". this is not unlike what happened earlier this afternoon, although slightly more hysterical, when genero from chipotle called to inform me that i had won a chipotle lunch for myself and every single person in my office.
this is the telephone call i have been waiting for my entire life.
this is why i have business cards. this is why you have business cards.
want to come to burrito lunch this thursday? you're invited.
<3
7.20.2009
In the year 2000, David Foster Wallace profiled John McCain for Rolling Stone Magazine. If you're already blown, just keep reading...
"One reason a lot of the media on the Trail like John McCain is simply that he's a cool guy. Nondweeby. In school, Clinton was in Student Government and Band, whereas McCain was a Varsity wrestler and a hellraiser whose talents for partying and getting laid are still spoken of with awe by former classmates."
I'm blown.
"One reason a lot of the media on the Trail like John McCain is simply that he's a cool guy. Nondweeby. In school, Clinton was in Student Government and Band, whereas McCain was a Varsity wrestler and a hellraiser whose talents for partying and getting laid are still spoken of with awe by former classmates."
I'm blown.
7.15.2009
7.14.2009
journalist's summation of eastern maryland:
"Power boats helmed by shirtless, potbellied classic rock fans and humble sailing vessels carrying Topsider-and-Polo-outfitted Jimmy Buffett types"
check.
my new roommate
is a dancer. she says when she dances she imagines COLORS and then moves to and for them.
oooh.
7.13.2009
emergency bread
as you read this, there are some unfortunate persons coping with the innards of a sandwich, yet lacking the necessary bookends of said sandwich - the bread.
to put this is 5 paragraph format, michael is currently in possession of the supporting paragraphs but neither the introductory nor concluding paragraphs. of his sandwich.
baby, i did some research, you're going to be fine:
Emergency Bread
excerpt from the Prepared Pantry:
"Bread is an important part of living. Yet, we may not always have an oven available. Terrorists may strike or Mother Nature may wreak havoc."
truth. another reason that you might not have bread is because you forgot it. is that inane?
end note, if you were in Zimbabwe, you wouldn't have forgotten your bread. but if you did, it would cost you about $600 million Zimbabwean dollars.
7.12.2009
this just in
in other robot news, Palin resigns, belabored by hair loss:
"Her hair had thinned to the point where she needed emergency help from her hairdresser and close friend, Jessica Steele.
“Honestly, I think all of it just broke her heart,” Ms. Steele said in an interview at her beauty parlor in Wasilla, the Beehive. "
7.09.2009
some times i almost died, an anniversary
today i am thankful
today i am thankful because it's almost ben's birthday.
i am also thankful because today is the 2 year anniversary of ben not killing me.
if he had killed me, it would have been with a baseball bat, in an apple orchard, during a game of homerun derby, and that would have been a fine way to go out.
but i am thankful for ben not killing me. happy 2 year, benny!
happy almost 24, you've made it so far!
today i am thankful because it's almost ben's birthday.
i am also thankful because today is the 2 year anniversary of ben not killing me.
if he had killed me, it would have been with a baseball bat, in an apple orchard, during a game of homerun derby, and that would have been a fine way to go out.
but i am thankful for ben not killing me. happy 2 year, benny!
happy almost 24, you've made it so far!
7.08.2009
michael
you were right.
"In 1951, Burroughs shot and killed Vollmer in a drunken game of "William Tell" at a party above the American-owned Bounty Bar in Mexico City. He spent 13 days in jail before his brother came to Mexico City and bribed Mexican lawyers and officials, which allowed Burroughs to be released on bail while he awaited trial for the killing, which was ruled culpable homicide."
teeth
i went to the dentist this morning and they used a tooth saw. it smelled exactly like the time i burned my eyebrows off. i was getting nervous about the charges i am racking up at the dentist - my health plan only covers up to $750 per year in dental work. so i asked my immaculate hr rep for help. he introduced this amazing concept into my life - i like to call it health empowerment. he was like, doctors work for you, and you can only do what you can do, maybe some of it waits for next year. it never occurred to me that i could just tell a doctor to cool off. this is brilliant. i fucking love getting empowered. this is what beyonce feels like every day of her life.
7.07.2009
when you get put on hold
with a business in latin america, nine times out of ten you get the mr. softee ice cream truck music. this is delicious and terrible.
everyday is magic
today my intern spilled hot chocolate all over his computer. he is magical.
also someone in my office told me that they were constipated but that it would be better soon, and i was like I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE TOLD THAT SERIOUSLY YET, THANKS BYE.
also, at lunch we fed a pregnant squirrel. that's right, she was pregnant. how do i know this? it's biology friend, and also her massive, milk-filled breast and surprisingly tumescent nipples were resting on her knees while she nibbled corn chips. squirrel nipples, i know, i've never seen them either! is it a breast when it's a squirrel or do you call it something else like "haverpool"?
end note: 365 chocolate milk bottle at whole foods 99cents. i think that's something we can agree on.
also someone in my office told me that they were constipated but that it would be better soon, and i was like I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE TOLD THAT SERIOUSLY YET, THANKS BYE.
also, at lunch we fed a pregnant squirrel. that's right, she was pregnant. how do i know this? it's biology friend, and also her massive, milk-filled breast and surprisingly tumescent nipples were resting on her knees while she nibbled corn chips. squirrel nipples, i know, i've never seen them either! is it a breast when it's a squirrel or do you call it something else like "haverpool"?
end note: 365 chocolate milk bottle at whole foods 99cents. i think that's something we can agree on.
BC
i have a lot of nature habits from growing up with my mom, like rinsing dishes before using them to get rid of toxic detergent resin and taking garlic and olive leaf instead of ever going to the doctor. i really like vitamins and healers and rocks and all that new age shit.
but.
i also sometimes forget to take my birth control pills until the third or fourth day, and then i take them all at once, and it's funny how that's a deal breaker. I mean, it's probably worse for bodies to suddenly be exposed to 4 birth control pills aka aborting itself then to inhale the formaldehyde fumes from wearing new clothes before you wash them... right?
i don't know about right or righter, i just know that this picture is the greatest.
but.
i also sometimes forget to take my birth control pills until the third or fourth day, and then i take them all at once, and it's funny how that's a deal breaker. I mean, it's probably worse for bodies to suddenly be exposed to 4 birth control pills aka aborting itself then to inhale the formaldehyde fumes from wearing new clothes before you wash them... right?
i don't know about right or righter, i just know that this picture is the greatest.
7.06.2009
sometimes, tacos
sometimes
i look for jobs and i fall in love.
but sometimes i look for jobs and it's like, wait NONE of these, please.
but what do i do with this liberal arts degree?
taco truck?
i look for jobs and i fall in love.
but sometimes i look for jobs and it's like, wait NONE of these, please.
but what do i do with this liberal arts degree?
taco truck?
do you know
how the internet is supposed to be a limitless resource for all things inquired after?
here are some things that i can't find on the internet.
1) Information about how black pepper like the shitty kind that you get in little tear away containers is bad for your intestines because it sticks to them like glue. I can't find that. But I know it's true because I heard a man at a salad bar talking about it one day and it seems true. So don't use shitty pepper even though this is not verifiable through something like wikipedia.
2) How to fucking grow cherries from the pits. I keep googling different variations of this question, and everyone's like, woah woah, not recommended, get this grafted cherry tree for 50 dollars. Hold on there, internet. I just want a pretty cherry plant. I don't care if it doesn't taste good or if it won't bear fruit for 100 years, I just want the plant, you know? Just, to grow. Up to this point I have learned something about putting them in the freezer to bloom? Though this seems like a disaster. Thankfully there are at least 2 botanists / science teachers in my family, why do I even check the internet when I can just tickle them for the information?
here are some things that i can't find on the internet.
1) Information about how black pepper like the shitty kind that you get in little tear away containers is bad for your intestines because it sticks to them like glue. I can't find that. But I know it's true because I heard a man at a salad bar talking about it one day and it seems true. So don't use shitty pepper even though this is not verifiable through something like wikipedia.
2) How to fucking grow cherries from the pits. I keep googling different variations of this question, and everyone's like, woah woah, not recommended, get this grafted cherry tree for 50 dollars. Hold on there, internet. I just want a pretty cherry plant. I don't care if it doesn't taste good or if it won't bear fruit for 100 years, I just want the plant, you know? Just, to grow. Up to this point I have learned something about putting them in the freezer to bloom? Though this seems like a disaster. Thankfully there are at least 2 botanists / science teachers in my family, why do I even check the internet when I can just tickle them for the information?
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