who is meaner than jessie?

you pick.

sunday

i met a prolific bus driver with a lot of real estate advice. note - now is the time to buy, benefit from tax breaks, default on your mortgage, then ask the bank to fix it. so i heard.

later, spoke with somebody's grandma for a really long time, so it seemed like i should hang out with mine. i called grandma on the walk from my house to michael's, and she was like, "ohh, will he walk you back home later?" and i started to lie and then it felt like truth was in order, so i told my grandma that actually i was spending the night at michael's house, and that i do this quite frequently, and that i'm not an old-fashioned kind of girl. and you know what grandma says?

she says, just because i'm old fashioned, my dear, does not mean that you have to be.

best grandma.
best talk.

<3

some tings

i've had these articles sitting on my desktop for weeks, like im going to go back and read them again and again but really nothing has come of it except for firefox keeps timing out, so why don't you take a crack at them?

Highest Paid Executives in America - their actual salaries and bonuses and all the people that they have killed in the last 20 minutes

The Case for Working with your Hands - seriously, try it, it might feel nice

Urban Farming - in DC and otherwise, a great idea. If anyone wants to talk about making business plans, let's do this

evolutionary update

argentinian seagulls are eating whales.

EATING WHALES!

can you think of a more devastating whale story? i can. courtesy of amy whale-robershake.

did you know - asks amy:

that whale populations are suffering because they swim around singing singing, waiting for their loved ones to sing back. and they can't hardly hear, because of oceanic traffic like treasure ships making too much noise. and so they sing to no one.


can you think of anything sadder i dare you.

first kiss.

a little heavy on the upper lip.

caught

so western. i don't know how terribly accurate this is, UNODC, but shiiiit.

dirty shitbags, elected

this week's candidate: Gov. Mark "All-Terrains" Sanford (R-S.C.)

it's one thing to forget to tell your family where you are on father's day weekend.

it's super awkward when you are the republican governor of south carolina AND a potential candidate for the GOPee in 2012 AND currently waging war with those wild liberals over using your state funds...
and you tell everyone that you went hiking in the woods when you were really using state funds to F your argentinian girlfriend. in argentina.

WHAT?

dog, just get a hotel room. preferably stateside. you can pay for it out of your state family values fund.

best life ever

scrub on me

this is filthy.

today, monday

is the slowest. speedbumps included spicy tacos before 12:30 (lunchtime you were so long ago) and a mass email sent by my mother ridiculing india. who is responsible for generating these terrible emails that get sent to mothers and grandmothers? you know what i mean - emails that accuse obama of being linked to terrorist cells and blaming the recession on clinton and warnings about the temperature of the sun affecting your unmarried grandchild's ovaries. is there a list-serve called "sign up here if you are over 40 and want to irritate everyone that you forward this to" ? if so, please remove my mother. she is already plenty busy with other bizarre list serves, including "if you are over 40 and find 'cathy' jokes about being single and horny or overweight or kitchen-fraught amusing and think pictures of muscled men dressed as angels are sexy / deviant / awesome"

side note, my mom is the best, i just believe in limiting her internet access.


fortunately, tonight is:


graham greene night. look at that old grizzly bear.

married journalists in iraq

good couple.
good story.

parmesan cheese

from december of 2008.
parmesan cheese, are you not ages old to begin with?

advised against and yet you are still so powdery. well, a little clumpier then one might have thought, craving your delicious cheese-wonder and receiving something a bit more like sand than fresh snow powder.

you are wrong and yet so visibly right.

you got bought

che's granddaughter. is a sell-out. but can still knock you in the face. and call it a day.

MURDA'

brought to you by, summer

sponsored in part by the banana republic

this week

has involved a terrible amount of work.

fortunately this weekend includes:

some ladies on the porch


plus brian "the law" robbie



unexpected surprises

a lot of spoons

a career

today, thursday

wearing boy's underwear under my best grown-up lady dress

wine lunch

meeting with boss

!!


evening plans

drink a bottle of wine or two
kiss
repeat

<3<3

going to the dentist

soon! also, this is someone's cat that they take care of. there is so much love in the world.

once when i was 20

flopping my way through school and paying bills by working for a major book retailer in suburban maryland, my 2 main bosses were the astounding combination of a recovered meth-head and a sado-masochist.

one day i got my hair cut really short and i loved it, even though looking back i think i looked like this, the unhappy fusion of these two unfortunate souls:




my bosses were then steeped in aspen hills's emerging gay dominatrix community, and informed me that with my new super shorty hair cut i looked like a "boi". it never occurred to me to investigate these charges until now; 5 years later, inside of a cubicle, counting hours until wallace makes like a tree and spruces her way to the upper west side.

BOI

• A younger person who looks and acts like a young, heterosexual male, possibly embodying stereotyped attributes towards casual sex and commitment in relationships, in contrast with the stereotype of the U-Haul lesbian. Bois may not identify as butch, regarding butches as playing a more powerful or responsible role – the "man of the house" – while a boi is still in a freer, younger phase.
• A male who identifies as a submissive/slave in BDSM.^[8]
• A young transman, or a transman who is in the earlier stages of transitioning.^[7]

• A term of endearment for butches by femmes.^[7] It may also be used in the gay community to refer to a younger person – bisexual or gay – who may have effeminate characteristics.^[7]

end note, i never thought of myself as butch, i just really liked collared shirts in 2004, ok?

the only possible way out of this

is going back to school.
i have until january of 2010 to create a masterwork.
wish me luck! chicken soup for the butt!

ps

i was just talking to an intern and she maybe just gave me the finger.

is this awesome or is she terrible? i can't decide, i sort of love her more than before...

MONDAY!

has been so busy already!

i woke up at 4 45 am, est



then i came to work and called different countries in europe and asia and tried to speak internet to them! can you say "ip address" in turkish? no. you can't. no one can. there is no translation.




when i went to the bathroom i thought about this one time in 10th grade when brian matheron told me that he could see his girlfriend comepletely naked and have it not mean anything to him, like he wouldn't even get a boner, because he'd seen her naked so much and it was just sort of regular for him like brushing his teeth. i was really scarred by 1) the fact that lust had so easily worn off for him and 2) that he told me this fact. we were not even really friends then. this is something that still haunts me nine years later.




next i have a meeting about domains.. what are domains?




when this silly day is over, i get to go home and move from my little closet into a big girl room with a walk in closet and an actual bed!



what is better than a monday? this hotel shaped like beagles?

world's end

last night there was a strike of lightening so close to the apartment that the sky turned red. the loud and the red led me to believe that the world was finally ending so i chose to bite michael's arm really hard. this might be an ancient method of self-soothing, though i never was a thumb-sucker. in any case it's good to know what my plan of action will be at world's end: startle, insert limb in teeth, grind teeth, end.

side note: i was really nervous about what i might find when i googled "world's end" - partially because i still feel sensitive about recently when i really did think the world was ending, and partially because earlier, when i googled "clowns protest" i found the most horrifying picture ever which i can only assume was a kind of porn i was not informed about, which was an angry clown strangling a man, and the man gasping for air, and maybe dying and maybe having a death orgasm. shit.



but fortunately when you google "world's end" there are just a lot of wild pirate pictures!


and this squidface.

study this puff chart

fran flem

there have been a lot of questions regarding what it is exactly that annie does all day. fortunately, while browsing the internet, i found out just what that little ape has been up to

Clowns Against War was created a year ago to prevent devastation and detestation that currently consumes the world.

"The world of clowns has access to everyone. A group of us can be walking down the street and everyone, no matter who you are, would look and smile," said Ginda.

He anticipates that if clowns can make the world happy, war would decrease.

keep up the great work, anne!
happy birthday everyone.

waiting on the R platform i spotted a young woman reading a novel entitled "shopaholic and baby" - she had spent money on this novel and was dedicating like a week of her life to read this novel called shopaholic and baby. i couldn't resist peeking over her shoulder; the following is an actual excerpt from the book "shopaholic and baby":

shopaholic: omigod baby, i love to shop!
baby: truly, you do
shopaholic: baby, now that i own you i can shop, for me and for you. for two!
baby: surely this is true
shopaholic: baby this is gonna be the best!
baby: (removing sticky opium pipe from it's tired jaws) yes, that will be agreeable to me as well.



scene.

ravioli

last night i found this package of sausage ravioli in my refrigerator. it was a bit older than it could have been, but it was between that and a partially-eaten pickle. i was a bit hesitant to make this possibly expired ravioli but then i remembered, I'M ON ANTIBIOTICS! when you are taking antibiotics, you are generally free to be as filthy as you need, i think, because these crazy biotics are just going to attack anything foreign in your system anyway, true? so go ahead with that hairy ice cream. indulge in that carpeted-sno cap. pick that pickle from whence it came.

update: early this morning i threw up a lot.
mystery 1) there was no ravioli.

update 2: i'm pretty sure it wasn't the ravioli and was a reaction to the antibiotics.

off to the doctor, byebye!

moday night

monday night, david byrne + 25,000 brooklyners in prospect park. awesome.

last night, 24 city at ifc. a good idea.

today: spinach and leftover movie candy for lunch, and it was awesome and a good idea until i felt really nauseous and sparkly-headed. taking to the streets to walk out the dizzy, i remembered that in the summer new york can often times smells like it has just come home from football practice after wearing it's new football uniform consisting of 10,000 mackerel woven together in an elegant fish-suit, and someone has puked in the suit, and wrapped it up in a box, and then waited until christmas to give you the fishsuit-puke box, and that is what it can smell like on the street.


but things got better with the walk, and remembering my primary medical provider's advice, i sought out the nearest chicken salad-bagel, because if anything is going to soak up the naus, it is this concoction. i ate the bagel in a bench on 8th avenue and watched the people-parade.

it was while seated on this bench that i came up with the best marketing plan yet, and that is to pay cute young people to sit on benches outside of small food stores and eat their wares and make people yearn for the food they are eating. in the course of my one bagel 3 people eyed my sandwich, thought it through, and then went inside to get one too. and one gentleman wearing an eye-patch that i suspect was not for medical purposes proposed marriage.


advertising is not always cost-effective, certainly not in mass-markets; whereas if you paid people 10 dollars and a bagel sandwich to sit on a bench for 2 hours, you might see a really serious return. murray bagels, this means you, im ready to professionally eat your sandwiches, ok?

this man

just came and draped himself over my cubicle. "nothing" he says, when i look up inquisitively. but it was not nothing. it was something. if office bureaucracy was like a bloody, booger-infested sundae, than passive commands would be like the needle-stick aids, oyster-sauced mosquito-bitten nosebleed maraschino cherry on top.

at the doctor's

1) the lady that sent me to the bathroom with the cup to pee in was like, when you get back, just put it on this black tray here, but when i got back and reached for the tray, she cut me off to take the cup and i was like, GIRL, THIS IS WARM.



2) the NP came back awhile later with a prescription, and i was like, oh, so i def need this prescription, and she was like, well, we don't know for sure, call us in 3-4 days if you still feel bad. friends, colleagues, NP's. Is it OK that I am taking prescription drugs for a maybe illness? Is it sustainable practice to hand patients antibiotics for maybes? I feel like this is how we contribute to the super-flu.


3) thank god for the everyman's doctor, the internet! upon which i found these natural alternatives to taking prescription drugs