so tight

good one, brooklyn

paula says one step forward, two steps back

paris hilton, diplomat, in dubai

question / response

dreamt

that jessie went to germany so i went to germany to hang with her but the subway there was impossible so instead i went to a party.
does this mean that:

a) i am gay for jessie
b) i hate jessie
c) jessie made out with my brother jesse
ck1) come to think of it, jessie also made out with my boyfriend
d) in actuality, is this not the mark of the truest kind of friendship?
e) horseback

this is

my dad


and bernie


best friends


inexplicable dead bird


who is awake and who is asleep?

we are twins!

photoshop

have you the skills?
have you have the power?

not sweatin it september

its still august

buuutt

it's gray and not even 70 degrees, so, it's basically the same as fall.
im not sweatin it.

my boss napolean marquez-chavez is departing
i got my lease / landlady paid off in full
bathroom re-work, re-russianed
ate some tacos
going to get writing writing
got this big brown bed
not sweatin it september.

what does Jan Švankmajer say?

nerdfriday

If you're also a nerd, you'll be equally siked about Margaret Atwood's blog. This broad is hilarious. She is learning to use an Ipod and going on this wild book tour. Idol.

What, that's not sensationalist enough?

How about this: a woman kidnapped at 11 has been found, 18 years later, in a secret camp in the backyard of her abductor's home, with 2 children that were conceived with said abductor.

Too much?

Check out these little ladies

arriving at Ellis Island, from Maira Kalman's And the Pursuit of Happiness blog. Did they stay in New York, get married, write novels, plant peppers, perform in clubs, have babies, wring laundry? I love old photographs, there are so many stories in them.

update, un-friday

the lady in the adjoining cubicle is discussing the merits of smoked cheeses.

jessie posted this article that's making me lose my mind

Spike Lee's Michael Jackson Birthday Party Moving to Prospect Park:
this saturday, down the street: According to The Associated Press, the initial permit for the party envisioned 2,000 people attending, but organizers now expect a crowd of upwards of 10,000

seriously you guys

businesswoman II

growing up in a wasp family is excellent preparation for business. i just had to talk to a vendor that my boss has been fighting with. both of us knew it was weird but we choked back emotions for the sake of being civil, in the name of business. this is an old wasp trick. if you or anyone you know is interested in becoming a wasp, just practice:

1) pretend your feelings aren't real - they are dirty!
2) poop? i never
3) let's change the subject
4) i want to talk about this but i am physically unable. let's redecorate!



for more information on becoming a wasp, go cry in the bathroom, and then splash your face with water, and then put on a smile for company. repeat!

when you're an endangered animal

it's someone's job to feed you and try and get you to fuck other endangered animals.

every day

is a new day, to learn more about the illuminati

khat

life satisfaction

measured by "the happy planet index"

green = good
yellow = average
red = bad

greenland was unavailable to comment

yikes

certainly this is curious

brought to you by

conserving words like the giant panda. please enjoy the silence.

anyone.everything.

fisherman



strawberries
yup. love strawberries.


from anyoneeverything.com

get at me

take a hint

once i got a letter that said if i asked a software company for more information, they would give me a gift card to barnes and noble. obviously i want that. here is the result:




From: Jim
Sent: Friday, August 21, 2009 4:00 PM
To: 'santiago.pituitary'
Subject: RE: V* PR Software

Santiago,
Just trying to reach you again. Let me know if you are still looking to find out more about V* PR Software.
Thanks,
Jim

_____________________________________________
From: Jim
Sent: Tuesday, July 28, 2009 3:37 PM
To: 'santiago.pituitary'
Subject: RE: V* PR Software

Santiago,
Are you guys interested in seeing quick online web demonstration of our services?
Again, V* PR Software allows you access to targeted media contacts all over the world.
Thanks,
Jim
_____________________________________________
From: Jim
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 2:25 PM
To: 'santiago.pituitary'
Subject: RE: V* PR Software

Santiago,
Just trying to reach you again. Let me know if you are still looking to find out more about V* PR Software.
Thanks,
Jim
_____________________________________________
From: Jim
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 5:29 PM
To: 'santiago.pituitary'
Subject: V* PR Software

Santiago,

Hello. I just received a notice from our marketing department that you had inquired about our software. Please let me know if you have any additional questions. See attached for a product sheet. Let me know if you would like to see a web demonstration of our product.
Also, some great info here - http://iloveyouforever.com

Thanks,
Jim

too full

to live.



2)things that jessie says-

this lawyer just came to my desk but he smells

that makes today maybe a little better

D) did you know that the internet is a lady? she is. luis's computer says LA WEB. a little lady.

how to get your boss to come to a meeting

when he says that he isn't coming:


ask him how serious you think your primary clients are about leaving your CMS system. bonus.

i have this colleague with big breasts. we just got drunk and talked about them. she is kind of an incredible beast. you know how malcolm x says that people have to sit down at a table and talk about race to really get it going? this is true of racial differences, i think this is also true of women with different sized breasts. good going, girls.

wee-Re:re-blog

i just drank one liter of water. then i filled it up and drank some more. someone was in the bathroom so i just kept drinking and holding my pee. later i got some starbucks coffee because the yuppies called and said that they missed me and asked me to prove my allegiance and drink like them. now i am full of so much pee.

what should i do? what can i do? just waste this pee? not on your life. i'm going to refrigerate my food, fuckers

pee power

interviewing 100 candidates for a roommate, so all these new g chat names are appearing in the little left handed box - this is a message from a woman i have been corresponding with / my new roommate / my new best friend

♫ "Pee, it's what's for fuel: http://www.organicconsumers.org/articles/article_18776.cfm"

my grandma loves life

beware

i just found this PSA that Brian made

some things i should admit

this weekend there was no bathroom in my house because ivan the terrible came and tore out the bathroom with his ferocious claws.

this weekend i also was entertaining some guests = conundrum =

1) carrie peed in a bucket and then poured the pee off of the side of the building hopefully into someone's window.

2) later ivan the terrible used the bucket to grout all the bathroom tile which means that carrie is inside of the bathroom 4ever

3) ben smoked practically all of ivan the terrible's cigarettes which means that probably ivan the terrible also peed in the grout, in the tile, in ben

4) ben left out sweaty pieces of sausage. i saw flies buzz on them, in them but i didn't say anything and then ben and roommate jim ate all of the sausage

4.5) i showered in my sink and it felt nice

5) i gave michael a cupcake but i then i snuck back a piece of the cupcake

6) i'm in michael's office but i think i might take a nap

legit shit

this dude had a bad time

1)
this article about Van Morrison at DAR left me with a lot of questions about nostalgia and the experience of live music. McKenna seems really bummed that Morrison couldn't get it up for Brown Eyed Girl and roundly injured that Morrison is kind of a chode. It just makes me wonder about the responsibility of the artist/celebrity and the kind of expectations one derives from a $350 ticket. Truth be told I investigated this show when Morrison was in NYC but couldn't reconcile a desire to zone out to Astral Weeks live, which is maybe one of my top zone out albums of all time, with a $95 dollar nosebleed seat - I have rent to pay, assholes. So, while it is pretty hideous that Morrison yells at band mates and roadies like on some regal Versailles madness, it's interesting that McKenna immediately intones a desire for the hit maker Morrison, suggesting that for some fans a jukebox might be in order - is attending a live musical event about the pick and choose, temporary glory of the jukebox experience, or something more?




2)
When I was 20 and working in a hierarchical retail book seller's cafe, I used to come in early mornings before school and open the retail space - brew hideous batches of coffee, bake cookies in a highly flammable easy-bake, and fill the sticky ice bucket below the soda dispenser with chemical-laced ice. A lot of mornings alone in the cafe I had ample time to fart as much as possible before customers started showing up - one morning this manager Charles that I had a crush on came down to the cafe to get a spoon for his yogurt cup maybe 20 seconds after I had just blown my own self away with noxious fumigation. The spoons were at waist-level next to where I was standing, I think my face was red for a full 2 hours into morning service. All of this was pretty amazing though, because before the store opened, I could blast whatever music I needed to stay awake and minimize morning space-out. That was the summer of David Bowie, the general rotation was Hunky Dory and the live Beeb sessions so that I could hear Queen Bitch as a studio jam but also catch the BBC version where he hisses YEAH YEAH and makes these incredible hot soup-slurp noises

What didn't I say, What didn't I say?

The other weekend we watched Ziggy Stardust, the Pennebaker joint, which has some amazing footage of what it was to be David Bowie in 1973 - character-driven, edgy, sexual leg fest, wailing amazing tunes to a crowd of frantic, sweaty girls. Awesome. Then there are parts though when you see Bowie backstage, getting his hair and make-up done, getting sewn into elaborate, naked costumes, and it kind of sucks to see. I want my musical lust to be perpetuated by musicians onstage, by the performance and the energy and the insatiable sweatiness of loving shit. You know, illusion and grit. (The insatiable sweatiness of loving shit = my autobiography) Maybe this is the same as McKenna and Morrison, I just sort of think he's being a pussy about deflated "Tra La La's"

3) You don't have to be Paul Auster to talk about people watching other people, if you were then you could call it post-modern and walk away with the royalties. Check out the video below from the Washington Post, it's actually pretty sick and definitely wastes fewer brain cells than trying to decipher what exactly Audriana is so blank-faced about. Watching people watch is the future of reality TV - it's even cheaper than the current set-up and there's no embarrassing, manufactured dialogue. somebody tell soumik

trunkthursday

oops





trunks are so special, i wish i had one